Panic Attacks......

So somewhere along the line I lost the ability to deal with things well.  Over the past two years there's been an extreme increase of stress in my life, mostly starting from a very shitty job I was working at.  I normally never let the small things effect me but like drops of water on a stone, it will eventually bore a hole and that's just what my coworker and that company did.  Every day was like a painful drip, boring deeper and deeper... eventually eating away at my defenses enough to let it affect me.  In time it built up to bring on a very big panic attack, something I never felt before and it sent me to the hospital ER thinking I was having a heart attack.

I've been training my brain with therapy and mild medication to teach myself that I'm better than the fears in my head, and it's getting better.  Over a year since it started I can normally function for the most part regularly, although at times, like my therapist said, it might rear it's ugly head again.  And today, this morning it did.  It started yesterday, I just didn't feel right and I knew something was happening.  It passed but then I was restless the rest of the evening.  This morning I felt fine but then once I went to the store, I was right back in thick of an attack.  I felt like I was trapped, I wanted out of the store in the worst way but in time, knowing that it was just mental bullshit, it passed.

Part of the panic attacks which is even less pretty is the IBS I've been experiencing.  Sure it's great being regular every day but it's starting to not be fun when you experience that effect at a store and cannot just run to the potty.  It normally makes me feel immediately better, and relieves all the instant stress (which is weird in itself).

Anyway, I'm feeling like a million bucks this afternoon and have been every since the last trip to the restroom.

Of course, I'm home with the kids and that adds to the stress.  Especially when they're so clueless about the world around them and leave food on the counter instead of putting it away and letting the dog devour some hush puppies.  The common sense eludes them.  Then the stress comes back especially cause my son has no idea that he's done anything wrong no matter how many times I've told him.

So the moral of the story is this, the panic attacks will come and go, and the time to re-coop will be shorter (I'm told).  I just need to keep it in my mind that it's all in my head.

If you suffer from this issue, I feel for you cause I'm in it too.  I never used to understand how people just couldn't deal with life, well now I know all to well.