Panic Attacks......

So somewhere along the line I lost the ability to deal with things well.  Over the past two years there's been an extreme increase of stress in my life, mostly starting from a very shitty job I was working at.  I normally never let the small things effect me but like drops of water on a stone, it will eventually bore a hole and that's just what my coworker and that company did.  Every day was like a painful drip, boring deeper and deeper... eventually eating away at my defenses enough to let it affect me.  In time it built up to bring on a very big panic attack, something I never felt before and it sent me to the hospital ER thinking I was having a heart attack.

I've been training my brain with therapy and mild medication to teach myself that I'm better than the fears in my head, and it's getting better.  Over a year since it started I can normally function for the most part regularly, although at times, like my therapist said, it might rear it's ugly head again.  And today, this morning it did.  It started yesterday, I just didn't feel right and I knew something was happening.  It passed but then I was restless the rest of the evening.  This morning I felt fine but then once I went to the store, I was right back in thick of an attack.  I felt like I was trapped, I wanted out of the store in the worst way but in time, knowing that it was just mental bullshit, it passed.

Part of the panic attacks which is even less pretty is the IBS I've been experiencing.  Sure it's great being regular every day but it's starting to not be fun when you experience that effect at a store and cannot just run to the potty.  It normally makes me feel immediately better, and relieves all the instant stress (which is weird in itself).

Anyway, I'm feeling like a million bucks this afternoon and have been every since the last trip to the restroom.

Of course, I'm home with the kids and that adds to the stress.  Especially when they're so clueless about the world around them and leave food on the counter instead of putting it away and letting the dog devour some hush puppies.  The common sense eludes them.  Then the stress comes back especially cause my son has no idea that he's done anything wrong no matter how many times I've told him.

So the moral of the story is this, the panic attacks will come and go, and the time to re-coop will be shorter (I'm told).  I just need to keep it in my mind that it's all in my head.

If you suffer from this issue, I feel for you cause I'm in it too.  I never used to understand how people just couldn't deal with life, well now I know all to well.

The Big Leap...

Starting my own business.  A scary thing to say... let alone do.  But I'm doing it and going to find out just what this whole thing is about.

I'm nervous as all get out as I've never done anything like this before, although I've been told by a few that I should be my own boss and I've always loved the idea of working for myself, making my own way, etc.  Actually doing it is much more "real" than talking about it.

I've been without a real, full-time job since July and although I've been collecting unemployment and trying to get work whenever I can, it's not easy.  Going from making $3000 as a family to making $1000 a month, it affects you dramatically.  I fear shopping now, even for the simple things and with starting a business it just keeps pouring out.  I know, however, with every new opportunity there comes some risk as to weather you're going to succeed or flounder.  I'm hoping I'm on the up and up sooner than later.

So here I go on another chapter in my life, just doing something to possibly get me in a better place and make something of myself, financially and business wise.

Beautiful Weekend Backpacking Trip with my Wife

My wife and I had been planning on getting out for a weekend trip together, sans kids, but with the dogs for a weekend.  Amazingly there was a weekend we could put aside and it just so happened that the weather couldn't have been nicer.  The temps were in the mid 60's with nothing but sunshine and beautiful skies.u

We drove to Harpers Ferry, WV to see  the historical town and have some lunch.  We went to the AT Conservancy and saw a Southbound Thru hiker, all 100 pounds of her stunk to high heaven but she couldn't have been happier.  I think that's the story of the AT, you might smell like shit but you're happy as can be.

This trip, more or less was supposed to be a free-spirited trip, very figure it out as we go along.  So when we got to the conservancy we spoke to a volunteer who suggested that we drive to Gathland State Park then and hike South on the AT to the Ed Garvey shelter.  It was a fairly easy trial, rolling hills as opposed to the normal PA AT hike, where you have to start straight uphill first then it levels out a little.

The Gathland SP is pretty much already up on the ridge so the hike was pretty much gentle rolling hills and very nice scenery but no real views.  Which was good for our two dogs and my wife to enjoy as opposed to being a high mileage death march of a hike.

We hiked to the Ed Garvey shelter, just after dark settled in, there were plenty of people there already.  Since we were there late, we missed out on the opportunity to get a good tent site and found one that was slightly sloped and had a few rocks and twigs.  One of those twigs reared it's ugly head in the morning and pushed through my ground cloth and tent floor...  Not a happy camper with that but what are you going to do.

We enjoyed very nice company around an already roaring campfire and eventually made our way to bed.  The stars were out in droves and it was comfortably cool enough where it's not cold.  We forgot something cozy for the dogs, but everyone made out ok.  I slept great, Stephanie was cold (somehow) which was to be expected as she's always a cold sleeper.

Our plan was to hike out and drive to PA and hike a very flat hike, however unlike any other AT trail I've ever been on, there were no campsites to be seen in four miles of pleasant farmland hiking.  The evening couldn't have been nicer, the sunset was beautiful and it got cold fast.  We decided, to turn around and head home.  We'd go out to eat and jump in the hot tub for the night.  It was a good decision and enjoyable.

I couldn't have enjoyed this weekend more, I felt like a rock star.  I felt strong, happy and confident.  It's always nice to be able to get out, feel good and relaxed and enjoy your company and surrounds.

My only regret is that we never have enough time.  But I'm trying to enjoy the time we do have and use it wisely.

Van life.....

Am I crazy, or just overly influenced by the bombarding of constant Outside Magazine articles on the way driving around a van through the world can change your life completely?  And how it can be done so easily, or so they make it seem?

My friend's and family will tell you that I'm a person who rarely is content with what they have to some point, I'm not content, I'm very happy with what I have and the life I live.  I do, however question how life could be different if I were to live it another way.  Say, packing up and traveling across the country and living out of a motorhome or van.  I see plenty of people doing it, it cannot be that crazy of an idea.

My kids and wife would love it, and so would my dogs.  We're all outdoor people and love camping, road trips, seeing new things and meeting new people.  And there's no short supply of things to see or people to meet, that's for sure.

Sadly, like most people in my shoes it's just not the right time, nor the right funding to do such a thing at this moment in our lives.  It's the ultimate and most widely used excuse but it's a good one and unless something major changes, it's the one we're using.  Not to mention my parents and two out of the four brothers would thing I was mad.

One day I hope to solely travel, but for now I think it's just going to have to be weekend trips and extended vacations as they come down the pike.

New York Wilds Family Camping Trip

For this years camping trip, we opted out of our normal foray of going to a sportsman's lodge in Maine and strictly went camping.  We're planning on going to Disney which is why we bailed on Maine, even though both my wife and myself we're reluctant 1/2 way through the decision process because we enjoy Maine so much.

We went to a very close second to Maine, the Adirondack's, more specifically Forked Lake.  Forked lake is a very primitive camping experience, all but a handful of sites are paddle or hike in only, which a vast majority of them being paddle in only.  They do allow motor boats but there's never too many of them as people much rather enjoy the simplistic stroke of a canoe or kayak paddle to the drone of a motor.  We've been to Forked Lake three times, all of them fun and more or less dry.  This year we were threatened with the chance of rain every day, but only one day did it rain and that just so happened to be the day we were packing up and moving onto our next destination.

I was soaked, as I took the bulk of things out in the kayaks and canoe.  My family was damp but since I packed my rain coat up in the stuff they carried, I paid the price by getting soaked.  A small price to pay since it wasn't too bad, it was nice and warm out and the rain was refreshing even though it too was warm.  Ironically every time I got to the car/unloading area, the rain stopped.  Then when I got back to the campsite it started raining again, and it'd rain until I got to the car, then stopped again.  This happened twice.  not bad, but annoying and when I got in the car with the A/C working I froze my ass off.  I don't think I officially dried off until the next day.

Our time in the Adirondak's was wonderful, the kids were happy and playful and doing things out of their initial comfort zone.  Which for some is more of an accomplishment than others.  They used the outhouse provided without argument or disgust even though I thought there'd be some argument upon the call of nature.  We've stayed at that site before, it's a nice site with a nice view and the nights came alive with the sights of campfires around the lake and laughter filled the night sky.  People just like us were enjoying the time there.  The water was warm, the weather more or less perfect and everything went more or less well.

I love the Adirondak's, I never thought I'd feel that way about another place besides Maine.  Although it's got the same feeling, but it's different in a lot of ways.  In some ways better, and others not.  One of the more special ways it was nice this time around was that my hesitant stepdaughter decided on her own to join us on our adventure, even though she hates long drives and not being in reasonable distance to the wifi or cell service.  I think she had a great time.  She said she did and the various looks of happiness showed that she enjoyed it more than I ever thought she would.

The perfect time of day

Since building our small deck last summer we finally have a full summer to enjoy it.  This year has been less than typical, more rainy than hot and cooler at times than rainy or hot.  But whenever it's nice enough we spend as much time outside as we can, enjoying dinner or the stars or just watching the kids play.

I find that right around seven or eight in the evening is when it's the best to be here.  The sun's last beams of light and heat are filtering through the stand of evergreens next to our property and the grass takes on a more beautiful shade of green.

The crickets come out in droves and the other bugs mostly go to bed.  It's dam near perfect.

After what feels like a very frustrating day of doing non-work administrative stuff, it's nice to come out here, sit and listen to the night come alive and the day drift off to sleep.  It makes all the late nights, the constant sweating, the busted fingers and headaches all worth it.

Wanting Life to Mean Something

How do you know if your life really means anything?  Or you're really making an impact on the ones you love and the people around you?

I feel like I do.  But how do you know?  Is it by how people return the gestures and favors you've done over the years?  Is it how well behaved your kids are or how your relationship is with said kids.

I sit behind a desk every day between 9 - 5 with an ungrateful and very annoying coworker.  I'm not out hitting the trails with my family or alone, I'm not paddling some serene lake or photographing the wonders of nature.  But I sit, work and wait.  Yes, I hate it.  Who doesn't?  You cannot love going to work every day and muddling through until you get home to do more work, dishes, scoop the puppy poop or laundry.

Yes, my life means something, my kids and wife make it that way.  But that's in general, it's not something down to earth meaningful as in I'm not out fulfilling my life's desires.

Ironically, when I was a young adult, my dreams were to have a family and kids so I guess in a sense I am adding meaning to my life.  But then as I became more of an adult and more stuck in the rut of life, YouTube doesn't help, I am now set on a new desire, a new added meaning to life.  To get out there and explore, see the world starting with whats around me and what's in our country.  I could go to a national park every year and probably never get to see them all in my life.  And I've been to three or four already.  It's a dam shame.  The only thing to do is plan and do.

How do you keep meaning in your life?  Or does it change from one year to the next?

What's really needed in life to be happy...

I guess it's a question that has a different answer for every person on this wonderful earth.  I can only truly speak for myself and guess about others thoughts on what makes them happy.

For me, being able to do anything I want is what really makes me happy.  If I want to get up and drive four hours to some remote neck of the wonderful Pennsylvania Wilds, I can do it.  If I want to hike 15 miles over the weekend with a backpack full of supplies, I can do it.  If I want to rush down the shore on a warm Friday even to enjoy the sights and smells of the Jersey shore I can.  Being outside is what means everything to me, most of the time, and spending time outdoors with the ones I love only adds to the enjoyment.

I love my Jeep, especially when the weather is perfect and there's not a cloud in sight for days.  I can take the top off and soak in the sun and wind with every mile driven.  At night, the stars come out and when you stop at a traffic light you can really appreciate them, much more so then you would ever done when driving a normal car.  Getting the Jeep dirty on some forest road adds to the excitement and joy of life to me.  It feels vigorous and adventurous.  Just seeing the thing in the driveway reminds me that there's an adventure waiting for me just on the horizon.  Whether I'd be strapping on the kayaks, mountain bikes, filling the back with backpacks or just the family and our dogs for an evening at the lake, it really makes me happy to get in and drive it.

Another thing that makes me have a happy life is outfitting my Jeep.  Putting on lights, a lift and bigger tires are all part of the fun and adventure that goes with owning a Jeep.  You see people driving down the road and you think to yourself, they're either coming or going to an adventure when they're driving a Jeep.  Especially the ones with the accessories on them, those people really have too much money or time, cause they're always prepared for adventure!

Watching my family bond over a campfire is one of the things that I need in life to make me happy.  Some amazing times are told around the primitive entertainment of the fire ring.  My daughter or son sitting in my lap or cuddling with me under a blanket and one of them mentions seeing the man on the moon or telling me to watch the stars with them, is truly something that makes my life happy and I need.

Friend are truly something that people need to make your life happy.  Sure there's people living in the wilderness with not a soul around and are happy as a clam in sand, but I bet most of them would jump for joy at the chance encounter of a welcomed visitor or family member paying them a visit.  It's always nice to have our friend's, new and old, come by and enjoy libations and good conversation.  The laughter echoing through our house makes all the preparation and cleaning all worth it.  The sound of our children all playing together and laughing, possibly making lifelong bonds that cannot be broken is one of the sweetest sounds you'll ever hear.

The crashing sounds of the ocean at night, when the wind is just right and the stars are really popping... that is really needed in my life.  Holding the hand of a loved one while standing on the edge of a continent, while mother nature quietly and effortlessly plays you a song that makes your soul dance.

I guess there's no real answer, or definitely not a short answer.  There's lots of things the I need in my life to make me truly happy, not just get by, but be truly happy.  At the bare bones, my children, wife, puppies and nature are what I need... material things aren't always necessary but they sure help making the memories even more sweet.

What is it about the sea?

I've spent a lot of time down the shore in my life.  I've been going to the New Jersey shore since the day I was born, I think literally.  I've been very lucky to have parents who enjoyed the shore and passed that love onto me. 

I spent most of my life being driven to the shore, riding in the back of a station wagon, shoehorned in between luggage and food.  Watching the world go by at a different point of view than the other people in the car.  Once at the shore, I spent most of my time on the beach, playing at the nearby park, fishing with my dad, brother and uncles, riding my bike or spending time on the boardwalk with friend's.  It was the best.  I remember those times as if they were yesterday.  The smells of the boardwalk and the ocean, the sounds of the birds and the waves crashing and the thrill of riding a big wave in on a boogie board.  I brought a few friend's to the shore and they have all grown to fall in love with the shore as well.

When I was old enough to drive myself, I spent late nights there and early mornings coming home to get to work on time.  Sometimes I'd go to and from the shore more than once a day for whatever reason.  I tried to get there every weekend I could.  I even tried living there during the summer, but although the idea was great, the follow through was terrible.  Too much drinking, too little responsibility and not enough of the kind of fun I longed for.

Ever since I was young I wanted to live at the shore, I thought that it'd be just as it was all those times I went to the shore with my family and experience all the memories I did in my youth.  So I tried instead of just for the summer, I'd live there all year round.  When I was in my twenties I had the opportunity to move in with my older brother and live at the shore for three years.  It was an experience to say the least.  First living with my brother was interesting, we had not lived together for many years since he was in college and then moved to the shore right after.  It was much different than I expected.  The shore still had all the charm that it did as a child but the adult part of me missed out on the friendships I had at home and the firehouse I had dedicated so much of my life to.  I tried to fit in, I joined the local fire company, tried to meet people through my work connections and my brother's connections but it was different for me, very hard.  I will always find this very interesting because I've always been a very social person and easily made friends.  After a snafu with the vehicle insurance, I had no choice but to move home and forgo living at the shore.  It was a hard decision, I loved it dearly there and miss it often, if things were just a little different I think it'd have worked out better.

Now that I'm older, my parents sold our original shore house and bought a newer, bigger and better home.  I now take my family down, my kids love it with the same passion that I always did.  They ride their bikes around the block, play at the beach until the sun goes down, make friend's at the playground and spend nanny and pops money on the boardwalk.  It's a different kind of great feeling and memory.  I hope to keep the tradition alive as long as I can.

Thankful for what I have.....

My wife recently has told me more than once that she doesn't think I'm thankful for the things I have and that I desire too many things, especially materialistic things. 

There's some truth to it, I do desire a lot of materialistic things, but they're aren't your average everyday things like fast cars, boats, riches or huge houses.  Sure there are things I long for, a shore house that my parents don't have to struggle to afford and one I can go to any time I want and watch my kids love every minute of the world of seashells, sea birds, crashing waves and sand.  I want all the right camping equipment and clothes for my kids to be able to use on our adventures in the woods, I'm almost there with that one...  I long for the perfect accessories for my Jeep, this one is a little selfish but not entirely.  I want the Jeep things so that I can get out into the woods and share my love for Jeep life with my kids and be able to handle any terrain I'd likely come across.  I want to build the perfect road trip vehicle, one that has the room for my kids to enjoy the drive, plenty of room for our stuff and our dogs, and one that can safely get us from point A to B, rain, sleet, snow or shine.

Yes it's greedy.  But I think it's justified.

I want one thing more than anything else, freedom.  The freedom from work and the confines of an office which keep me away from exploring the world that surrounds us with my kids and my family.

Money helps, really it's a must.

Well until I either win the lottery or figure out how to accomplish those goals without excessive money, I'm guess I'm good with the things I have.  And that's fine.  I do truly appreciate everything I own and enjoy every minute of using those things.

Weekend Away Sans Kids

Although I never thought I'd get my wife out in the woods during the winter, the warmer than normal temps and the treat of having my parents watch the kids for the weekend was enough of a spark to light her fire and get her out in the great wilds of PA for a few day hikes.
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We headed out to a place I've been many times in my life, Pine Creek Gorge and the surrounding areas.

Friday we took the day off, dropped the kids at my parents and bolted.  We made a beeline for Slate Run, PA and checked in to our room at the Hotel Manor.  Which is a very nice place located right on the creek, with stunning views and that real locals feel that you don't get at every other hotel you stay at.

This was a trip of both pampering, relaxing and hiking for us.  The winter grinds to a halt the normal fun things we like to do and easy get-aways we normally try to do in the summer because of work and the kids being in school.  The first thing we did was visit the first place we ever went camping together.  Which was probably not exactly where we were supposed to camp, but it was pouring at the time and we had no idea where we were and no one was around to say anything to the contrary.  With a quick ride down the road from the hotel, shifting the Jeep into four wheel drive for a little ice and snow that was on the road we made it.   I got out to take some pictures of the scene of the crime so many years ago and was alerted by the local Bald Eagle letting me know that this was his/her area and he was there first...

Back to the hotel to check in.  We got our room, which was a very nice cozy room with a view of the creek and a huge bathroom.  Since it's winter, we were the only people in the place other than two locals, the owner and a bartender.  Strapped on our hiking boots, zipped up our coats and headed out up another snow covered road to the Black Forest Trail.  We slipped down the initial hill and walked along the tall pines of the area.  Beautiful trees and a beautiful trail.  Down to the creek we went, where we were greeted with crystal clear waters that weren't completely frozen yet and plenty of icicles on the rock walls.  The babbling creek and wind in the pines was enough to lull you asleep, the brisk cold was enough to keep us moving!

We stayed and took lots of photos before heading to the our hotel parking lot and the other side of the creek to walk down the trail and see the creek from a different angle.  Which was equally nice, and surprisingly different.

Back at our hotel for a dinner in the dining room, alone, 'cept the bartender and two locals.  We enjoyed our dinner and some nice conversation without disruption.  Around these parts there's very to little cell phone reception, which is great for what we were looking for, not so great if you were ever to be in trouble and needed help.

Day two included a nice hike on the West Rim Trail which is just a little ways up the road.  Mostly snow covered and very cold, but it was a great way to get the heart pumping for the morning.  We were the only people on the trail, and on the road for the most part... maybe even in the entire area.  Just how I like it.  We hoped to reach the lookout but after going up and up and up without having snacks or water, we let the cold win and we retreated to the Jeep and headed on our way to the town of Wellsboro.

Wellsboro is a very nice little down and in the winter, you really know you're an outsider because everyone around you knows everyone else and you know no one.  Which is also fine by me.  It's eerily comforting.  We had a nice lunch at Pizza Hut as we waited for our room to be ready at the Canyon Motel.  Once done lunch, we checked in to our surprisingly nice, and large, room.  It was complete with kind size bed, huge bathroom, and small sitting area.  The motel really didn't look like much from the outside but it's quite nice once you're inside.

We unpacked, took a very nice nap and then headed out for the visitor's center on the East rim of the canyon.  Surprise, surprise, we were the only one's there........ and the only one's on the road to for the most part.  With grey skies ahead and a stiff, cold breeze we braved the icy path to the overlook and snapped some pictures.

Back to the Jeep and the warmth of the motel.  We ate at a local restaurant and enjoyed our dinner very much.  The bartender literally knew everyone that walked in the door but us.  It's nice to see such a great, close nit community.  After dinner we went two doors down and had some beverages at a watering hole and really felt not like a local, but enjoyed it equally as much.

Back to the hotel room for some swimming and tv.  We enjoyed quiet time, relaxing and felt like we had a long night, until we realized that it was only 7:45....

It was a very much so needed weekend away.  Ironically enough we missed the blizzard of '16 by heading to the woods.  This meant once home, we were greeted with two feet of snow in my driveway and higher drifts by the front door.  We had the kids back and while I shoveled my wife took the kids to the local sledding spot and everyone was happy.  No one ever wants to see a Sunday end but this one was especially hard to part with.

My son.....

What a difference a life makes when you have a son.

My son is a wonderful, fun, wild, hysterical, crazy, annoying and wonderful boy.  He can be all these things at once or one at a time or any number of things put together.  He's about as unpredictable as can be when trying to figure him out but also the most predictable kid going when you know what his next move is going to be.

He's what I've always dreamed he'd be most of the time, I finally get to roughhouse with him and have a catch, or kick the ball around.  He's a great swimmer and definitely a summer baby.  He LOVES the beach and the ocean, his favorite is boogie boarding.

His path to this age has been rough, he knows how to push his daddy's buttons like no one else and can do it at the drop of a hat, without hesitation.  I know these greys are coming out in force because of him solely.

He's not always been what I thought having a son would be.  I've always thought he'd be there to watch me work on something, ask me questions on how something works, etc.  He used to do that, he was always watching me, asking me how things worked, what I was doing and if he could help.  He doesn't do that much anymore, but when he wants to really help, he's a great helper.

He's amazing in school.  Which is surprising 'cause, I was never.  He loves his school.  He's the man about town in there.  Watching him roam the halls with such broad shoulders and so proud, it's amazing and awesome.  He's become a great reader.  He's very good at math and working on his writing, which is easily his downfall right now with school.

I know there's going to be a time soon that he'll be back to helping me or wanting to go camping with me, or head out on road trips to parts unknown, but for now he's not that way.  I struggle with this.  I thought he was going to be one thing, but I guess I never knew what to expect with him.  He's taught me things, he's taught me that I'm not going to know everything.  I'm going to have to figure him out on occasion with him, just like he wants.  I'm expecting to come to a crossroads where we'll be on the same page and although I know that day will come, it's been a (often) frustrating ride.

He's the most amazing boy in the world, strong like an ox, handsome as can be.  Funny and smart.  Adventurous.  Outgoing and introverted at the same time.  He's an amazing animal that I cannot wait to see unfold and develop to his fullest potential, but for now I need to just enjoy who he is right now, the good, the bad and the ugly.

Daddy's little girl

When I was younger I always envisioned being married and having children to cherish and spend all my time with.  I wanted to share with them all the things that I truly loved so that we could do them as a family, sharing our time the best way possible, with each other.  One of those dreams was of a little girl laying on my chest on the beach on a beautiful summer day.  She'd be in a white baby outfit complete with cute hat.  Well many of those dreams have come true, I have a wonderful family and two wonderful children of my own, one a little boy and one my sweet baby girl.

My dreams came true when she was born.  We spend time on the beach, occasionally she'd spend an afternoon crashed out on my chest enjoying the warm summer breezes.  Watching her play in the sand and grow from being a small little infant to a toddler to a preschooler.  Each phase of her life so far has had different levels of fun and discovery for her.  The beach has grown to be one of her favorite places to be, although she's still quite timid of the actual ocean, but she's thrilled with the small gully's and puddles that form after the tide recedes along with the moon, back to the sea.  She'd run through there with the expression on her face that there is no happier place to be.  And she's right, when is it ever not fun to frolic in the warm summer waters on the beach?

She has gone from not talking or walking to being a constant discussion from the moment she opens her amazingly beautiful eyes to the second she closes them.  On most days she's outside, running with the wind, her ever messy and knoted hair bouncing behind her.  Her giggle is constant and fills the summer afternoons with happiness.  When I pick her up from school she makes me feel like I'm the most important person on the planet and that she's been waiting for me all day.  She stops what she's doing and runs to give me the biggest hug she can, laughing as she does and telling me how much she loves me.  When I come home from work and she's been home, I get the same greeting.  The feeling is immeasurable. 

When she used to not be able to talk I used to think about what she was thinking, now I don't have to think about it anymore, she tells me everything.  Every part of her day, every thing people say, everything she wants and what she's seen that day.  She's loud.  She gets that from me.  She's always telling me about what they learned about in school that day, they've been learning recently about road trips and has since been telling me of the places she wants to go.  She also gets that from me.

She's not even four feet tall but by far has the biggest personality and imagination of anyone I know.  She's got the biggest heart of anyone, no matter the size.  She's beautiful in every way there is, even in the times that she pushes my buttons she'll recoil with something hysterical to say and I cannot help myself.  Everyday I am thankful for her.  She makes me feel whole.  I cannot imagine a life without her and is by far the best decision I've ever made.

Annual Brother's Trip into Nature...... if only for the day

Matt, Chris Joe and I ventured away from our families and our everyday activities and met at Batso forest in New Jersey for a day of being outside, together, in nature.

We changed it up a lot this year, for one, we didn't make Joe drive two hours, just to drive two or three more hours away to get to our camping destination.  We also didn't spend the night outside, we only got in a day hike for about 5 hours, accomplishing ten miles through the Jersey woods.

The weather called the shots, it was supposed to be complete crap on Sunday and none of us wanted to be trudging through slop on the way out, let alone packing up in the morning in the pouring rain, just to get soaked the whole way back to the car.  It ended up being a smart call due to the fact that it rained relentlessly Saturday night and most of Sunday morning.

There wasn't much to the trail, although it was well marked and apparently heavily used.  For the most part it was single track, easy flat walking and was clean.  However, on the road you could almost set your watch by how many beer cans there were along the way.  People who trash places like this are the ones who take away our ability to enjoy them, and not trash them.  It's really ridiculous, it's got to be locals because I cannot imagine people coming in, at night, getting hammered and leaving.  It wouldn't be difficult to spot them.

There were no real sights, just the guy in front of you and underbrush everywhere.  We took the Batso trail and made a loop with the road to bring us back to our cars.  There was a little bit of water views every now and then, but there's not a lot to see.  The park is huge and there's plenty of trails to explore, even if there's not a ton to see in the sense of look outs and the like.  It's a neat piece of nature that doesn't exist many other places.

We ended up spending the night at Joe's shore house, dry and warm, with clean clothes and an actual bed to sleep in.  It was a night night of hanging out, watching movies, making fun of each other.

It wasn't what we, okay Chris and I, thought of originally but it was the right decision and it was just nice to get out, accomplish something huge (I haven't hiked ten miles in one day in years) and spend time with each other.  Next year, we're definitely getting out for an over night trip, we'll just have to hope for nice weather... or weather we can actually tolerate.